Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
