If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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