I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
