Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
