So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
