She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
