your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
