That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We need a shit load of segways right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
