there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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