wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
