youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
