at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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