Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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