yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
