dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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