My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
