I got her a Nickelback box set.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
