Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
