So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
