just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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