I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
