eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Every concussion has its silver lining
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
