So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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