Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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