she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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