your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
