worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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