Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
