I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
