Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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