Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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