worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
