i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
