I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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