Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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