So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
