Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
