FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
