You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
