So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
