Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
