Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
its liver damage thursday
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
