Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
