I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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