I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
