since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
