Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
