think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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