I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
