It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Actions speak louder than pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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