he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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