I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
