He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
