I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
