You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
