i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
